Ho's before Bros
by elseven
Summary: "Wait, that's it!" She wiped the tears with her pajama sleeve and stopped crying instantly. "I am going to prove to you that I'm still just another bro in this loft. " One shot. Warning: pranks!


**Mayalala, thanks a bunch!**

* * *

Jessica Day knew the perfect time to get the dining room of the apartment to herself. At seven a.m. on Sunday mornings she would bounce through the loft right into the seat at the head of the table. For at least two glorious hours she could cover it with papers and projects to be graded, sipping her tea and humming "good morning" to herself without so much as a frown from Nick, scoff from Schmidt, or shake of the head from Winston.

"Brooke S., just beautiful. No one gets geology like you. One sticker and A+ coming right up!" She touched the hot pink pen to the paper adding a sizzling sound for effect.

_Which reminds me, need to confirm lunch with Brooke tomorrow. Winston really knows how to pick them. (Except for the Daisy phase, which everyone knows not to bring up, like ever.) I've been spending so much time with Brooke, I've barely seen Cece lately. Which reminds me, call Cece and Sadie._

"Oh, Toby. The _penmanship_. Props man! _You_ get a '_this rocks'_ stamp."

Tossing the exam onto the pile, she paused to adorn the cover of her lesson plan with the last shiny gold star. "Ten points for Miss Day." She felt so proud she could sing some more. "_Good morning to you and you_-" A voice from the kitchen startled her.

"_And youuu._ I love Debbie Reynolds," said Winston with a quick spin while reaching for the coffee filters.

"Is it Debbie Reynolds or is it Brooke, because you are _pretty_ chipper this morning Winston," she asked him. Chuckling as she went to the fridge for some eggs, she nudged him in the arm. "Want an omelette? Helloooo? Earth to Mr. Bishop..."

"Jess, can we talk?"

She hopped up into the stool excitedly. _Winston never wants to talk to me about girls._ _Act casual, don't freak him out._ "Okay. What's up roomie?"

"You…you've been. This is hard for me to say." He folded his hands in front at him as if he were conducting a business meeting. "I would prefer it if you didn't _emote_ until I'm finished."

Jess hugged herself defensively. "What do you mean _emote_?"

"No, see, that's what I'm talking about. Your lip starts to quiver and your eyes get so big you look like a puppy at the shelter. Don't do that. Just let me say this. Please."

Jess wracked her brain for what she could have possibly done wrong. A recent incident came to mind. "Winston, look. I'm sorry I wore your t-shirt and that everyone laughed…and laughed. It just got mixed up in the wash. Don't overreact."

"I will never live down that we wear the same size shirt! Nick and Schmidt called me _petite._ Agh! That's not even why I needed to talk to you!"

"Then what?"

"You're spending too much time with Brooke and I don't think it's the best idea."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Look, I tried seeing if Nick could tell you about this but he said he was staying out of it."

"Sorry, is Nick my handler or something? Why couldn't you tell me yourself?"

"It's not that simple. You're his girlfriend. Nick and I grew up together. You're not just my roommate anymore, you're my best friend's girl. If I say something to upset _you,_ he's going to come after _me._ I _had_ to talk to him first. It's guy code."

"What? Winston that's ridiculous. You and I are friends. Don't be melodramatic. This is just like the time you stayed home from school for five days because you found out the Flash wasn't real."

"THAT'S what I'm talking about."

"Huh?"

"You wouldn't know something like that if _Nick_ hadn't told you. He tells you things. You _share. _Things are different now…which is why I had to warn him."

"We've been friends for two years! Don't try to change the game on me now. Besides, so what if I hang out with Brooke? Don't you want your friends to like her?"

"You don't get it. You're dating my best friend and spending every waking moment you're not with him with my _new_ girlfriend. Lines are being crossed all over this loft! That's going to change some things with _us."_

_"_No, no, no. Nope. I will not be demoted from good friend to "friend-slash-girlfriend-_of_. " We're buds. Nick and Brooke don't change that. End of story."

"You're sure about that?"

"Are you questioning my loyalty Winston?" _Oh no, those feel like tears. "_Because _Cece _is like my _sister_ and I still told Schmidt I supported his decision to stay with Elizabeth b-because he's my friend." Now she was blubbering exaggeratedly. "And you all t-took me in and helped m-me..." _So this is what he meant by emoting._ "a-and I _love_ you guys!"

He made her cry. Nick was going to kill him. "No no no no no Jess stop it's-"

"I just want us all to get alooooong and be h-h-happy."

"Jess, we _are_ friends. You're a great friend I just-"

"Wait, that's it!" She wiped the tears with her pajama sleeve and stopped crying instantly. "I am going to _prove_ to you that I'm _still_ just another bro in this loft. "

"That's...we don't need to do that. I'd feel better if we-"

"Lakers game? Wait, no it's mid July. Let's go to Hooters and order wings? Do you need a shopping buddy for Best Buy?"

Pretending to be busying himself with his cup of coffee, he mentally mapped out his his escape route from the kitchen._  
_

"No, uh, Jess we're good. I swear we're really okay. In fact I think I just woke up a little cranky and-"

"A prank."

Winston's head shot up on alert. "I'm listening."

* * *

Nick hit the elevator button with his fist. _Worst day ever. _He'd gotten out of work early enough, Sundays were usually good days. Not today. Sid, the drunkard who spent every single day at the bar, had started an illegal gambling ring in the back booth with his fellow bridge dwellers. A fight had broken out after a bottle was broken over someone's head when a waterproof poncho was refused as part of the pot. IT WAS A LONG DAY.

"Nicholas." Winston grinned at him in a way that creeped him out, like he'd just stolen Christmas from those little kids with weird noses. _Why couldn't he remember the name. It was one of Jess's favorite Christmas movies._

Nick didn't have the energy to ask himself what was happening right now. "Yeah, I'm gonna go wash the stench of _I'__ve been doing this too long _off of me."

"You do that."

Nick swore he heard a distinct sinister laugh follow him on the way to his room. Jess' door was closed. _Not home yet. _He'd hoped she'd be. He went in to his room slightly more deflated than when he'd walked into the loft.

He might as well get his clothes ready now because he was pretty much going to pass out as soon as he was out of the shower. _Where are my lucky blue boxers? _The plastic hamper under his desk was empty. Why wasn't his stuff where it was supposed to be? _This is my clean laundry basket! _

Good thing he always kept a spare pair in his dresser. _What the hell? _One drawer after another was filled with _clothes._ The top with socks all neatly paired together. _But this was his belt drawer._

He went to his closet and found his brown and black leather belts hanging on a hook inside. _Oh. Interesting use of the pants hook._

That's when Nick saw the book shelf. _What is this?_

The mystery novels he'd gotten for a buck each at a rummage sale were organized on their own shelf. His Seger, Croce, and Dylan albums had joined the rest in their own spot as well. _Weird._

Someone had moved the notebooks, pens, and tools that were scattered on his desk and stored them on the shelf above it, pushing the laptop closer to the wall. _Why didn't I think of that? More arm space!_

Something was up. _Did Jess do this? _"Winnie! Do you know if- Hey you're home!"

Jess and Winston were huddled together at the front door. "Hey Nick. Just got in."

The smile she flashed him as she approached almost fixed the horrible mood he was in. _Almost. _He slid his arms around her waist pulling her in to him. Good thing Schmidt wasn't home. They were definitely breaking his _five-seconds-or-less-on-the-mouth_ rule. "Okay, that's better."

"Rough day?" She smiled sympathetically, rubbing his shoulders. "Nick, you smell weird."

"I brought work home with me. Some regulars. Sid, for one."

"Oh god." She wriggled free as he laughed at her.

Winston was watching them but snapped his attention back to the tv when Nick noticed him. "What is with you today Winston?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Alright...Jess, did you re-organize my room?"

"Hmm?" She would feign ignorance as long as possible for Winston's sake.

Winston giggled as he sipped his beer.

"My stuff is all rearranged."

Wiston threw a hand over his mouth as he choked back a laugh.

"It was you, right?"

"HAHAHAHAHA" Winston had burst into fits of laughter, rolling on the couch. "You didn't even see it coming!"

Jess couldn't help but giggle at Winston's reaction.

"What are you talking about?" Nick was still waiting for someone to clue him in.

"We got him Jess! Prank Sinatra! YEAH!"

Jess whispered, "His design. Only... I had to reel him in like five times to get there. He wanted to taint the water with mace when you washed your face or put a tarantula in your bed."

"Winston you guys cleaned my room. That's not a prank!"

Jess' eyes bugged out of her head. _I said tarantulas and mace. __Winston sucks at pranks is your takeaway here. Really Miller? _

"No we switched everything! It's confusing!"

"No, you just put everything where it's supposed to go! Why can't you do one decent prank?!" He put his arm around Jess' shoulder and kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks. It's nice coming home to something like that after a day like today."

Winston sat up on the couch in shock. "No. What...but...stop making out! What's happening!" _  
_

They broke apart and started laughing. "Alright I'm gonna go wash the misery off."

Jess sat beside a devastated Winston, his face in his hands.

"But the clothes...and the..."

"Aw, Winston. I guess if you make enough of a mess in Nick's room you just end up fixing it. We tried. We'll get him better next time."

"I still have the number to the pet store. Tommy the tarantula might still be available."

"No no no. Let's, uh, save the venomous spider for a special occasion."

"Makes sense. Well, I had fun even if it went bust. Thanks, Jess."

"Me too. And I promise, I'll try giving you more space with Brooke if you promise not to treat me like Nick's girlfriend."

"Done."

"Let's hug it out, bitch?"

"I regret introducing you to Entourage _so_ much."

"Okay okay okay. Bros?"

He met her high five with a laugh and they both kicked their feet up to watch the rest of the game.

"Alright, Jess. _Bros."_


End file.
